The big Pokémon debate: Two legs or four?

Having strong opinions about Pokémon is almost a requirement to be a part of the fandom — even the most neutral fans can at least vehemently explain why their favorite Pokémon is the best. These opinions came out in full force upon the announcement of the new starter Pokémon for Winds and Waves, with much of the discourse focused on one issue in particular: if the precious Pombon would remain on all four throughout its evolutionary line, or stand up on two legs (limbs?) like all of its predecessors except one.

It turns out that many of us here at Polygon have very strong opinions when it comes to bipedal versus quadrupedal Pokémon, so two of us decided to settle it in the only possible way: a Pokémon duel. Unfortunately, Pokémon still don’t exist in real life, so we opted for a debate instead. For one of us, bipedal Pokémon are powerful, imposing allies; to the other, they look like a man in a fursuit. Let us know in the comments who you think is the winner.

Walking around with bipedal Pokémon looks like a posse

Francesco Cacciatore: I believe that Pokémon should be free. Not in the sense of “live in the wild, away from humans.” That would kind of ruin the games. But at least free to roam around without being trapped inside a contraption that bends the laws of space and matter. In my Pokémon trainer fantasies, my team follows me around everywhere I go. Because, you know, they have legs.

Imagine strutting the streets of Goldenrod City, surrounded by a bunch of tall, muscular monsters. They look like your bodyguards, or your posse. It’s cool, it’s dangerous. No one will mess with you. On the other hand, if you walk around wrangling a bunch of cute furballs, you can bet that someone will be coming for your lunch.

Deven McClure: If having a cool posse is one of the main goals of the Pokémon franchise (and, I must admit, it feels damn good to have a squad), I believe that four legs simply gives my Pokémon more to strut with. I personally don’t need Pokémon that look like my bodyguards, though, as I like to think that as a Pokémon trainer I would exude enough aura all on my own. Perhaps some bipedal brutes would see my adorable team as an easy target, but cuteness and power are also not mutually exclusive. Look at Arcanine, for example: it could easily tear through a bipedal squad with Flamethrower, but at the end of the day, that’s my little fire doggy.

Bipedal Pokémon can help you train in the gym

Image: OLM/The Pokémon Company

FC: If you want to become someone in the Pokémon world, training has to be a big part of your life. Legendary trainers like Bruno, Chuck, and Bea also taught us that the best way to raise your Pokémon is to hit the gym or the dojo with them. Nothing develops the bonds between a trainer and their Pokémon like doing 500 Hindu squats together every day. Bipedal Pokémon can spot you during weightlifting, spar in the ring, and hit those sweet poses with you in front of the mirror. With quadrupedal critters, you’re stuck watching them try to hit targets with Razor Leaf, or whatever nonsense training Ash did.

DM: Perhaps some legendary trainers relied on the gym, but personally I think there’s much more value to be found in battle experience than in the gym. Sure, you can lift weights all day, but is that really going to help prepare you for when something jumps out at you in the tall grass? The quadrupeds and I will be operating on a completely different strategic level than your gym bro bipedals by practicing against unpredictable opponents out in the wild, but have fun building your glamour muscles.

Bipedal Pokémon look cool when they faint

Image: OLM/The Pokémon Company

FC: Just like in the boring real world, learning to accept defeat is important in the Pokémon world too. You win some, you lose some. That means you’ll often be forced to watch your trusted partners faint in battle. However, seeing a majestic bipedal Pokémon like, say, Machamp, bend a knee and fall to the ground after giving its best is poetic. This is a powerful warrior forced to accept defeat, vowing to come back stronger. When you see an Eevee or Piplup fainting after being hit by a Thunderbolt, your first instinct should be to call PETA.

DM: When I see Machamp faint, I do not feel the slightest bit of sympathy for him; if anything, I get secondhand embarrassment. That looks like a man (and I mean that literally, to me that’s just some guy with extra arms) that can handle a little knockout, he doesn’t need to be so dramatic about it — maybe perform better next time, dude. On the other hand, nothing is more motivating to me than seeing one of my cute little quadrupeds felled in battle. When I see my Umbreon go down, I would move heaven and earth to ensure my little black cat-ish creature comes back stronger than ever.

Quadrupedal Pokémon are cuter than bipedal

Image: Game Freak, The Pokémon Company/Nintendo

DM: If you were to look at the many generations of Pokémon, you will see some of the most adorable little guys ever conceived: Sprigatito, Litten, Fennekin, Shaymin. Even venturing back to the classics like Eevee, there is rampant cuteness that, more often than not, goes hand in hand with quadrupedalism. There are a few bipedal exceptions, like Piplup, but they’re always Pokémon inspired by something that is already bipedal in the real world, not some sick experiment.

In the world of Pokémon, cuteness is power. When Ash first meets Pikachu (who, by the way, is classified as a quadruped), he says, “It’s so cute, it’s the best of all!” He’s not picked for his strength or imposing aura — he’s picked as a companion, and who doesn’t want an adorable companion?

FC: In the world of Pokémon, power is power. Pokémon are not supposed to be cute, they are supposed to be strong. Their main purpose is to clash in battles of supremacy (unless you’re a sick, ribbon-obsessed Contest fanatic). Ash’s Pikachu only got as far as it did due to the most glaring case of plot armor in the history of entertainment. The best thing to do was to force-feed him a Thunder Stone. Everybody knows it, they’re just too afraid of the cute mob to say it out loud.

Bipedal Pokémon often wind up looking a bit too “human”

Nintendo

DM: The worst part of the bipedal curse isn’t the two-leggedness itself, it’s the humanoid connotations that often come with it. I will acquiesce that not all bipedal Pokémon are a disgrace. Take Charizard, perhaps the most famous bipedal on the roster — he’s a cool guy in my book. But do you know why? Because it looks nothing like a human.

Unfortunately, creatures like Charizard are the exception. Just look at Inteleon, who looks like a man I’d avoid at a bar, or Incineroar, who reminds me of a guy in a school mascot costume that would teach me about how littering is wrong. These aren’t cool creatures, in fact, they barely look like creatures at all, and it completely defeats the idea of Pokémon being pocket monsters.

FC: I will agree that bipedal Pokémon have been the subject of some warped forms of interest over the years, but that’s not their fault. We are to blame. I think that the point of bipedal Pokémon is not to look like humans, but like powerful monsters or animals that stand on two legs, like Godzilla, a T-Rex, or a bear. The series has kind of strayed away from that in the latest generations, which is a shame. Perhaps the designers should be doing some waterfall meditation with Chuck to cleanse their thoughts.

Humanoid Pokémon ruin the immersion of the games

Image: Game Freak

DM: Look, I know Pokémon isn’t real. But to me, the series was always largely about venturing into nature and finding all the creatures it had to offer, and seeing a bipedal abomination completely throws me out of that. Some Pokémon, like Klefki, look so far removed from nature they don’t fit into that naturalistic fantasy well either, but their anatopism is so overt I find it easier to forgive.

On the other hand, designs that feel like they almost had something great until it turned into a humanoid disgrace are very difficult for me to stomach. Scorbunny goes from looking like an animal friend I’d find in the forest to a guy I’d see at the gym hogging the bench press, and it does not sit right with my spirit.

FC: First, Cinderace would clearly hog the leg press, not the bench. Second, I find it much harder to maintain the immersion when I see a key ring that flies and uses Metal Claw than when Torchic goes from KFC farm survivor to mighty kickboxer. Seeing Pokémon just as “animals” raises problematic questions, like: What happened to dogs and cats in this world? Are people eating Lechonk meat? Let’s just accept that Pokémon cover a wide evolutionary spectrum: Some are closer to humans, while others are cursed teapots inhabited by malevolent spirits.

Our ideal Pokémon teams

With such strong stances on the, well, stances of Pokémon, we thought it was only right to include what an ideal team looks like to both of us, in case cloning technology progresses quickly, and we can actually settle this in the honorable way.

• FC: Feraligatr, Tyranitar, Ursaring, Umbreon, Magmar, Toxicroak

This is mostly based on my team from my favorite games, Heart Gold and Soul Silver. I know, there’s one quadrupedal Pokémon in there, but Umbreon gets a pass for being edgy and cool.

• DM: Samurott, Flareon, Chien-Pao, Cresselia, Chandelure, Venusaur

This is inspired by a blend of teams I’ve had in the past, particularly in Legends: Arceus where I carried my beloved starter to the very end (especially because I knew its final form had four legs). Cresselia and Chandelure may not qualify as quadrupedal, and the latter is arguably one of the most outright object Pokémon, but it’s so silly yet so ominous I can’t help but love it. It became one of my favorites in Legends: Z-A, especially with its new Mega Evolution.