Psychologists Say Most Retirees Fall Off the 'Friendship Cliff'—Here's What That Means for Your Health

Worried about loneliness in retirement? You’re not alone. Many people report feeling lonely in retirement since their day-to-day connections with the people they work with become forever changed.

Some psychologists even have a name for this trend, and they call it the “friendship cliff.” However, not everyone has to fall off of it. According to the experts we spoke with, there are some steps you can take ahead of time to make sure that you don’t lose those social connections. And best of all, they also offered up some tips on how you can climb back from the edge if you feel like you’re about to fall off.

What is the Friendship Cliff?

This phrase refers to the diminishing number of work and social relationships as we begin to enter retirement, according to Dr. Jeff Gardere, Professor, Touro University College of Osteopathic Medicine, and Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist.

“Many of our social and personal connections are related to the structure of work,” he says. “When we retire, that structure is now gone and so go many of the relationships that were associated with work and that were also connecting to our social lives.”

Dr. Gardere explains that this phase of life can often highlight just how much that proximity to our colleagues and our shared goals contribute to those relationships. Then, once we hit retirement age, those connections begin to dwindle (or disappear) and people are faced with the reality that the friendships they thought they had weren’t really as close as they once appeared.

Not only that, but Dr. Clint Salo, a Board-Certified Psychiatrist and Medical Director with The Grove Recovery Community, says that many retirees discover that these friendships require additional effort once you leave the workforce. “For many people, work provides built-in opportunities to socialize,” he says. “Once retirement begins, those casual conversations and shared experiences disappear, and friendships can gradually fade if they aren’t intentionally maintained.”

This can start as early as when you truly start planning your exit strategy at work, explains Heather Oller, MS, LMHC, Founder and CEO of Orlando Thrive Therapy. “All of a sudden, every day feels like Saturday, and you realize you’ll only see acquaintances if you take the initiative.”

Warning Signs You’re Falling Off the Friendship Cliff

Dr. Gardere notes that while some people’s experiences may vary, there are a few things you can be on the lookout for if you’re worried about falling off the friendship cliff, and they include:

• Feeling isolated even though you have more free time
• Getting fewer invitations to social events
• Withdrawing from or losing the drive to engage in social activities
• Feeling lonely, bored, or disconnected.

“These changes can occur gradually, and they become easy to overlook until we begin to feel unusual amounts of isolation and even loneliness,” he adds.

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How to Climb Back From the Friendship Cliff

If you noticed several of the signs that Dr. Gardere mentioned, then it’s likely you’re experiencing the friendship cliff. Fortunately, Dr. Salo says that these issues can be reversible if you catch it early and you’re willing to do the work.

“The biggest mistake is waiting for someone else to reach out,” he says, adding that you should try to reconnect with old friends, and try to make plans for something as simple as a cup of coffee. “Building and maintaining friendships takes intention, especially after retirement.”

And Oller adds that it’s important to be extra mindful if your friends are also in retirement, and likely experiencing similar feelings. That may make it harder to reconnect with them, especially if they’ve already withdrawn and isolated as a result of losing those connections.

“Friendship loss in retirement is not simply a social issue; it is a health issue,” Dr. Gardere adds. “Research has shown that strong social connections are linked to lower rates of depression, cognitive decline, cardiovascular disease, and premature mortality.” He adds that retirement isn’t just a matter of leaving your job and heading off somewhere else, it’s about transitioning into a new identity. And when done right, that should include a more leisurely lifestyle, but also one that includes purpose and socializing.

Sources:

• Dr. Jeff Gardere, Professor, Touro University College of Osteopathic Medicine, and Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist
• Dr. Clint Salo, a Board-Certified Psychiatrist and Medical Director with The Grove Recovery Community
• Heather Oller, MS, LMHC, Founder and CEO of Orlando Thrive Therapy

Related: I Work With Retirees—These are the 3 Surprising Habits of People Who Are Genuinely Happy in Retirement