When it comes to avoiding screen burnout, Toronto mom of two Nancy Singla has found that setting boundaries works better than outright bans.Jennifer Roberts
Twelve-year-old Andreas Keramaris knows when he’s had a little too much screen time.
“I don’t want to admit it, but I do kind of notice that I’m in a worse mood after I’ve been on [a screen] for a very long time,” he says. “It’s kind of like a mini addiction.”
For many families, finding the balance between educational screen use and leisure time on digital devices — and avoiding screen burnout—has become one of the biggest parenting challenges of the school year. Keramaris says he gets a couple of hours of screen time in class each day, often does his homework on a computer at night and, of course, there are endless potential distractions online.
Today’s generation of parents is among the first to navigate monitoring screen use for kids on this level, and many feel they should impose strict limits, but this tack may not be the best approach, says Dr. Bailey Parnell, a Toronto-based expert in digital well-being and the founder and CEO of SkillsCamp, a digital-training company, and the non-profit Center for Digital Wellbeing.
“What’s important for parents to remember is that the quality of the screen time is always more important than the quantity,” she says. “Ask what goal is the technology serving? Is it serving learning, connection or collaboration, or is it serving entertainment or [relieving] boredom?”
Kids can benefit from educational content or games that actually engage their brains in a positive way rather than encouraging mindless consumption. “One thing I don’t hate about [his being online] is that he learns a lot,” says Keramaris’ mom, Sue Jackman. “His friend was choking on a chip, and Andreas was able to do the Heimlich manoeuvre because he’d learned how to do it on YouTube.”
Parnell says healthy digital habits begin away from screens. Kids with strong friendships, hobbies and confidence offline are less likely to rely on technology to fill a void.
“What my research has revealed is that how people feel about themselves offline at the time of use is the most important indicator of whether they have a good or bad experience online,” she says.
Toronto mom of two Nancy Singla has found that setting boundaries works better than outright bans. “We’re constantly managing it,” she says. “Usually [the kids have to do their] work before screens, and there are clear boundaries as to when it’s going to happen, when it’s going to end and what’s expected at the end of it.”
When it comes to setting healthy boundaries for screen use, there’s no one right approach, says Parnell, but whatever approach you take should factor in your child’s personality and change with time.
“The digital discipline and digital behaviours grow with the age of the child, just like most parenting is in reaction to who that kid is,” she says.
She cites strategies some families use, such as designating a family desktop computer for homework so kids are less likely to watch videos when they’re supposed to be writing an essay, having a rule that permission must be sought any time they want to use the iPad or only allowing gaming in the family room. These kinds of limits allow kids screen time in a way that parents can keep an eye on.
But even with sound parameters in place, tweens and teens can still overdo it. How do you know if your child is veering toward screen burnout? Parnell says common signs include headaches, eye strain, irritability and difficulty focusing after long periods on screens.
Singla has seen the signs first-hand: “Oh, super grumpy, super evil, super lippy—just complete teenage misery,” she says of her 13-year-old son with a laugh. “We’ll be like, ‘You know what? We need to take a break for a couple of days.’ After he’s made that transition to not having the expectation that he’s going to spend every evening gaming, he’s quite happy to do other things.”
If they have to, Singla and her husband have an easy way to intervene when their kids get a little too locked in—they have an app that turns off internet access to individual devices in their household. “So if we call them down for dinner and they’re not coming, we just shut their internet off and then, boom, down they come.”
While Keramaris admits he can get sucked into hours of videos or find himself going down random internet rabbit holes, he enjoys offline life—including competitive tennis, reading, epic bike rides with his dad—when he does tear himself away. “I feel so happy, like I’ve accomplished something really good,” he says.
The seventh grader has his own very sensible way to stay focused. “I set a 25-minute timer, and I turn off notifications on my watch because I get way too many messages,” he says. “Then I give myself a little break to message [people], and then I just set the timer to 25 minutes again and again and again until I’m done.”