I had other things to do today, but Alex Karp’s pathetic attempt to pivot back to the left gave me no choice but to put them on hold.
Last week’s elections were a bloodbath for the right, a problem for all the wannabe fash founders who had tied their political fortunes to a “vibe shift” that enabled a glorious 100-year Trumpenreich. That freed up a lot of assholes to say what they actually thought. Except Donald Trump’s victory was, in fact, narrow, and two years of his corrupt policies have enraged Americans.
“I’ve been a Democrat my whole life. I grew up in a far left environment. I know more about being a progressive than almost anybody on the planet, and I absolutely believe Palantir— all of our products are essentially progressive,” Karp told Politico.
Is that so, baby doll? Let’s run it back.
Anyway, for any other tech bros who want to do a less clumsy pivot than Karp, I have a suggestion. First, go to rehab, ideally for 90 days. Then come out and apologize for whatever it was you said between, I don’t know, 2020 and now. You feel very bad about what you’ve said, but it was the cocaine (or the amphetamines, or hell, blame it on ketamine, since the average person has no idea what a ketamine high looks like) speaking. You have dried out and sobered up. It was a challenge, but it was rewarding. You are now chastened. You want to work for public accountability. You are sorry about the dumb things you said while you were high.
This won’t work for Karp, who’s been absolutely adamant that he does not do drugs. But you, the savvy tech CEO and/or VC, you can’t skip the rehab part. You can’t blame the drugs if you don’t at least pretend to sober up.