Dear Sangita: My sister got Botox. How do I tell her it looks really, really bad? She’s got that classic Botox face now where she literally can’t move her forehead and when she laughs or smiles or frowns it looks like she’s making the exact same expression. I can tell she keeps expecting me to compliment her, but we’re always honest with each other. I feel the need to tell her: this isn’t working, don’t do it again! — No to the needle
Dear NTTN: There’s a way to approach this conversation kindly. Don’t make fun of it or say it’s all wrong; instead, phrase it as, “Maybe you should go try somebody else so that you can look more like you.” If she genuinely does want Botox, there are better people out there to do it without giving her that extreme “Botox face,” as you say. It’s a tough conversation because this isn’t just about trying out a haircut that didn’t work. This choice may have come from a place of insecurity, and it’s important to approach it gently. So even if you do think she would look better without Botox, she doesn’t seem open to that kind of feedback right now (if she were, I think she would have openly asked you whether you think it looks good or not). The best feedback you can give her for now is some grace — and maybe the number to a more reliable practitioner.
Dear Sangita: My boyfriend wants to switch gyms to join me at mine, but I’ve been enjoying a flirtation with a guy at my gym for years now. I think this will ruin it. There’s something fun to me about going to the gym and getting to be single — or at least appear single. And having a no-strings-attached, regular flirtation with this guy does plenty for my ego. I’d really be sad to have to stop flirting (and have this guy realize I’m taken) if my boyfriend joins. Is there any way to explain this to him without sounding like a total asshole? — Crushing it at the gym
Dear CIATG: I have a feeling you’ve gotten to the point in your relationship where it’s gotten too comfortable, so you are trying to find something else that makes you feel beautiful and gives you that feeling you’ve been missing. So I think this behaviour is an indication that the thing you’re missing with your boyfriend right now, which is that flirting, that excitement. This happens a lot. When people have work crushes or gym crushes and there’s flirting happening, they don’t actually expect anything, just like you said. It’s more that you’re really comfortable in this relationship and maybe your boyfriend isn’t treating you the way you want to be treated — or you’re missing a component of your relationship that you’re now seeking elsewhere. I’m not against flirting, it happens all the time and it’s often harmless. But this is a signal that you should talk to your boyfriend about how you can bring that feeling back into your relationship. If your boyfriend can do it, then you’ll probably find you won’t even be seeking out that flirtation with your gym crush anymore.
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