You’re not a true Canadian millennial unless you can relate to at least 12 of these 17 things, Life in canada

Knowing every single word to this iconic speech

And then reciting it in unison with your friends at recess.

Your ideal Saturday was flipping through posters and CDs at HMV

Guys — do you remember when we’d line up to get physical concert tickets from actual record stores? Better time.

Shoutout to Vancouverites — we had the best HMV on Robson and Burrard. It was three floors — all glass, everyone who worked there was cool and hot, and had good taste in music. Take me back.

Now it’s a Victoria’s Secret (boo).

Avril Lavigne was your first concert — and your mom didn’t go

“He was a boy. She was a girl” was pure poetry. Simple but effective.

For Canadian millennials, Avril wasn’t just a pop star. She was the blueprint. The tie, the tanks, then the whole debate over Avril being a sellout when she got the hot-pink streak and released her totally not-punk album “The Best Damn Thing”.

And if Avril didn’t slap? You may be an elder millennial whose Avril was Alanis.

Your mom bought your clothes from Zellers — or The Real Canadian Superstore if she also needed bananas

Gen-Z has Shein. Canadian millennials had Zellers.

Our wardrobes were on coupons, convenience, and whatever was around when your mom was running errands. If your graphic t-shirt came from a store that sold produce, cleaning supplies, and a patio set — you’re one of us.

For the younger millennial girls, the Walmart Mary-Kate and Ashley clothing line was LUXURY.

Your dream was to one day be a MuchMusic VJ

Speaker’s Corner was everything. Before there were influencers, there was George Stroumboulopoulos — and it was an act of defiance that he did not take on a stage name.

For Canadian millennials, there was no higher calling than that of a VJ. No one in our generation wanted to be Prime Minister — or at least no one cool.

Sorry nerds, but it’s fine. In this economy, you obviously chose wisely.

You wanted this ROOTS hoodie so bad

ROOTS and maple syrup. The backbone of this nation. You probably wanted it in burgundy, and you probably did not get it because they were like $40, and that was A LOT back then.

Video on Trial was peak comedy

There was a brief, beautiful era, where trolling was not just a calling — but an art form.

And no one did it better than the cast of comedians on Video on Trial. The MuchMusic show ran for nine seasons. The whole premise of the show is that they would watch popular music videos and just roast the sh*t out of them. It was perfect. Deborah DiGiovanni — a name I will never forget — was an absolute savage.

Big flex: I had Eddie Della Siepe as a FB friend — who had like 7,000 FB friends — but I still felt exclusive.

The Radio Free Roscoe love triangle kept you up at night

“We could say whatever we want as loud as we want” was the most poetic thing I’d ever heard.

And girls. Get real. We all wanted to be Shady Lane. She had these teen boys eating out of the palm of her hand, OK. This was when we all thought straight blonde hair and blue eyes were the peak. (Curly-haired brunettes, DW, I see you. I was you. Patience. Our time was coming.)

One of my favourite things about this show was how unhinged their underground DJ names were — Shady Lane. Smog. Pronto. QUESTION MARK.

But it didn’t matter. Because aside from the fact that the show slapped, it introduced a whole generation of Canadian kids to underground sounds we probably never would’ve found otherwise.

I’m not being a hater… but I am — because Gen-Z music does not hit the same.

We had, “and I don’t want the world to see me, ’cause I don’t think that they’d understand, when everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.”

And they have, “that’s that me espresso”.

The best part about going to the US was watching Disney Channel

I’m sorry, Family Channel (Channel 51 in Vancouver, never forget) just did not hit the same. We had Life with Derek. And looking back, we all know the sexual tension between Derek and Casey was WILD.

The Big Comfy Couch felt like late night television

In kid hours it felt like this show aired at 10 p.m. — but in adult hours I wouldn’t be surprised if it was like 5:45 p.m..

The “don’t put it in your mouth PSA” haunts you ’til this day.

This one is for the elder millennials (I’m sorry, I hate that we’re calling you that).

Canadian PSAs were on another level, and the CCA — yes, you remember that logo with the exclamation mark — had a particularly unhinged approach to child safety.

This ad was technically about not eating poison, mystery substances, or just anything a stranger hands you — a noble mission… however, the slogan “don’t put it in your mouth” does not feel child-friendly.

Le Chateau was where you had to go to buy your outfit for the dance.

First of all, Le Chateau was actually designer, OK? It was elegant. It was basically Parisian.

It was ruched satin, sequin going-out tops, and heels we could not walk in. For the boys? Black button-downs with red ties.

The best poutine was the mall NY Fries at the food court

For a deeply concerning stretch of time, a shocking number of us Canadian millennials were under the impression that New York Fries was an actual New York chain.

Guess what? It’s actually not. It’s an 100% Canadian chain. We thought borders were being crossed to bring us our chunks of defrosted cheese that… probably had traces of real dairy. But I wouldn’t bet my life on that. We were bamboozled by NY Fries.

Which feels like — not our fault? It was called New York Fries. TBT to the golden age of advertising, where we really would believe anything. They feel eligible for a class-action on the grounds of misleading information — and they can pay us in thawed mall poutine.

Drinking Clearly Canadian felt unreasonably sophisticated

Before there was Crystal Light — there was Clearly Canadian, and looking back, I realize Clearly Canadian had the same Mandela effect as Ferrero Rocher.

Where, for some reason, I thought it was insanely expensive, but it’s actually totally normally priced. A single Clearly Canadian is like two bucks. Probably way less two decades ago.

You had a preference between Cineplex Odeon and Famous Players

And it was Famous Players. And if it wasn’t, you were probably a snitch in elementary school.

RIP to (most of the) Famous Players theatres. There really was no better place for a tween date where 40 people went just so two people could hold hands and maybe kiss in the parking lot later, if no one’s parents showed up early.

There really was no better place. Plus, if you couldn’t tell by the maple leaf in their logo, Famous Players was, in fact, a Canadian theatre chain! Makeout local!

Rogers Video bulldozed your neighbourhood blockbuster — and you were pissed

Your parents were actually so down because they got some kind of Rogers deal. It probably was like the 400th landline for free. Damn, let’s bring those back.

I used to listen to my sister’s phone conversations with her crush for like 35 minutes on Line two. I didn’t have a lot going on. I was 12.

Eventually, Rogers started selling flip phones. And then stopped selling DVDs. And when that happened, we knew our childhood was over.

I had an American friend recently ask me if Rogers runs our whole country. I told them no. I knew I was lying.

These.

The way adrenaline would course through my body late August on my way to Staples.

Whats your score?

If you can relate to…

12-17: You’re unmistakably a Canadian millennial

8-11: You definitely grew up in Canada – but you’re probably not an elder millennial

4-6: You had a millennial older sister

1-3: Your parents didn’t let you out much

0: With all due respect, why are you here?