11 Phrases That Make You 'Instantly Unlikable' in Group Settings, According to an Etiquette Expert

Have you ever been around a group of people and felt like something was off or like you weren’t clicking with them? If so, you might have wondered to yourself, “Was it something I said?” And truth be told… it might have been. In fact, sometimes a comment can rub someone the wrong way, even if you didn’t mean it to. To help you know what common sayings can be misinterpreted or can paint you in a bad light around others, we rounded up 11 phrases that can instantly make you unlikable, specifically in group settings.

Nick Leighton—an Emmy Award-winning journalist and co-host of the etiquette and manners podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?—has seen this happen time and time again with people. He breaks down everything for Parade: what you need to know about certain things that you may want to think twice about before saying them out loud the next time you’re in a group. Because while you may be saying something out of frustration, in a sarcastic way or even as a joke, that doesn’t always mean it will come across in a positive—or even neutral—way. Instead, it can make others around you judge your character, even if it’s not an accurate portrayal of who you are.

See if you’re guilty of saying any of these phrases that can make you instantly unlikable in a group of people. That way, you can be more cautious of using them going forward and replace them with alternative things in the future. Your conversations might flow more smoothly and your colleagues and friends might be more receptive. Over time, these small changes can have a big impact on your personal and professional relationships, which will help you communicate more effectively and leave a positive impression wherever you go.

Related: 10 Social Behaviors That Make You Seem Unapproachable, According to Etiquette Experts

11 Phrases That Make You Instantly Unlikable in Group Settings, Etiquette Expert Warns

You may want to avoid these sayings and phrases the next time you get together with others.

1.“I don’t mean to be rude, but…”   

If you start a conversation with this phrase, Leighton says the other person or people you’re talking to already know that whatever is going to follow it is going to be cruel. And this is one of those sayings that even you know might come off as mean or rude.

“Saying a sentence that includes this phrase makes you unlikable in a group setting because you are basically admitting that you know what you’re about to say is offensive or rude; it isn’t an accident,” he tells Parade.

2. “Anyway…”  

Dropping “Anyway…” into a conversation can make you seem dismissive or impatient, according to Leighton. In group settings, it can make people feel unheard or unvalued, which can quietly erode your likability over time—even if your intention was just to move the conversation along.

3. “I told you so.”  

Leighton says this phrase can make you seem smug, condescending or unsympathetic, especially in front of others, as it highlights someone else’s mistake rather than offering help, which can damage relationships and make people less willing to trust or engage with you in the future.

“Etiquette prizes clear, direct and polite communication, but being passive-aggressive isn’t that,” he shares. “Next time, in place of ‘I told you so,’ you can say something like, ‘What do you think happened?’”

Related: 8 Genius Phrases To Shut Down Rude Comments, According to Psychologists

4. “Why are you so sensitive?”  

When it comes to sayings that make a person unlikable, this is one of them.

“‘Why are you so sensitive?’ dismisses the other person’s feelings and shifts the attention from the speaker’s words to the receiver’s reaction,” Leighton notes. “It’s not really a question at all or a concern. Instead, it’s deflection.”

Related: 11 Phrases To Use if Someone Says You’re ‘Too Sensitive’

5. “Calm down.”  

“I have yet to meet the person who actually calmed down when they were told to,” Leighton states. “Saying this isn’t the best way to de-escalate a situation.”

Instead, he points out that saying this in a group setting can make you seem dismissive or condescending, which often alienates others. Opposed to helping, it can escalate tension because it implies that someone’s feelings are overblown or not valid. And in front of a group, it can make you come across as insensitive or even controlling.

6.  “No offense, but…”  

Very similar to #1 above, this is a no-go, non-starter.

“Whenever you start a sentence with, ‘No offense, but…’ whatever you’re going to say next is definitely going to be offensive. You don’t get a pass just because you put a disclaimer on it,” Leighton explains.

Related: 7 Common Things That Make You ‘Instantly Unlikable’ to Your In-Laws, According to Psychologists

7. “I’m just being honest.”  

Leighton states that saying something like, “I’m just being honest,” can make you seem blunt, insensitive or self-righteous. Because of that, it doesn’t make you appear to be very friendly or likable. While honesty is valuable, framing your words this way often comes across as an excuse for being tactless, disregarding others’ feelings and signaling that you value truth over empathy.

8. “Relax, it was just a joke.” 

“Saying ‘Relax, it was just a joke’ isn’t actually the reassurance people think it is,” Leighton reveals. He adds that if you have to explain yourself after telling a joke, it was probably rude and that makes you unlikable. If you’re in a group setting, it can make you appear contemptuous of others’ feelings and undermine your likability, even if your intention was lighthearted.

“Real humor lands on its own—explaining it can make you seem insensitive or out of touch, because it highlights that someone was hurt or offended,” he says.

9. “Wow, really?” 

On the surface, this may seem like a neutral response, but according to Leighton, the tone or context can come across as sarcastic, judgmental or skeptical. In group conversations, it can make people feel mocked, which can quietly damage your likability—even if you didn’t mean to be critical. Tone and body language matter just as much as words.

Instead of saying that, he mentions there are alternatives. “Something like ‘Wow, really?’ can be ‘What led you to that?'” he explains.

10. “I guess I’ll just do it myself.”  

“Saying something like [this] is an example of a classic passive-aggressive line,” Leighton shares. “Being passive-aggressive is rude and will make you unlikable if you use phrases like this when speaking with others.”

11. “I’m not trying to be mean, but seriously?”  

Leighton reveals that even though this common phrase is meant to soften criticism, it often backfires. So why can it make you unlikable? He says it highlights judgment while pretending to excuse it, making you come across as sarcastic or condescending. In group settings, it can make others feel embarrassed or attacked, which quickly damages your likability.

How To Avoid These Phrases Altogether—in Groups or Just in General

To avoid saying these likability-killing phrases, one simple strategy is to pause and think before you speak. As Leighton notes, “Just take a beat before you respond. No response is sometimes the best response of all.” This gives you a moment to prevent averse or sarcastic comments, like “Anyway…” or “Calm down.”

Another tactic is to be clear and confident with your words.

“Own your opinions and don’t add disclaimers,” he shares. “If your feedback or observation, just say it directly.”

In other words, speaking directly and respectfully—without prefaces like, “I’m just being honest” or “I’m not trying to be mean”—helps you communicate effectively and remain likable in both groups and one-on-one interactions.

Related: If You Say These 7 Things Regularly, People May Think You’re Difficult to Be Around, Psychologists Warn

How To Become More Likable in a Group

Showing genuine interest and respect for others’ perspectives is key to being likable in a group setting.

“Using a phrase like, ‘Tell me more about that,’ signals that you’re listening actively and genuinely care about what others have to say,” Leighton expresses. “People like people who make them feel seen, and showing genuine interest in others is a good way to do that.”

Acknowledging others’ ideas also strengthens connections when you’re in a group and makes you more likable. He mentions that something similar to, “That’s a great point. I hadn’t thought of it that way,” is another alternative, as it shows you’re open to having your views challenged.

“It’s important to realize that your way isn’t always the only way,” he shares. “Showing that you’re willing to have your beliefs challenged shows confidence and intellectual honesty when you’re with others. It also makes the other person/people feel validated, too.”

One more thing Leighton recommends throwing into a convo to make you appear more friendly is to invite participation.

“Try including a statement like, ‘What do you think?'” he suggests. “It is simple, but often overlooked. Asking for others’ opinions shows that you value their input, and in group settings, it helps bring quieter people into the conversation—something good social etiquette always encourages.”

Lastly, he points out the value of humility.

“You’ll be surprised how saying, ‘I don’t know, what are your thoughts?’ can make you more likeable,” he reveals. “Admitting when you don’t know something is a strength and lets other people weigh in who might.”

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• Nick Leighton is an Emmy Award-winning journalist and co-host of the etiquette and manners podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?