Nobody really prepares you for what it’s like to move to Toronto.
Sure, everyone knows about the cost of living or the traffic. But nobody really warns you about the strange little habits you pick up or the completely irrational things that you accept as completely normal from now on.
Like any big city, Toronto often feels like an episode straight out of Sex and the City. But are you going to be a Carrie (observe, question, and celebrate the city), or a Miranda (critique, comment, and berate the city)? The real question is: how long will it take you to move from Miranda to Carrie?
Because at some point, these things stop feeling ridiculous, and you start to feel like the rest of the world is ridiculous. But while New York is globally known — seen in shows, culture, and movies — Toronto is uncharted territory for many.
Today I’m here to be your tour guide: consider this your official warning label!
#1: WARNING: Your dating life will crash and burn
You think Carrie Bradshaw had it bad? She never saw Toronto.
Nobody tells you that dating in this city becomes your second or third job. You’ll download every app, match with the same guy who lives 12 kilometres away on every one, and have the same mediocre conversation about restaurant hot takes five times before it eventually fizzles after three messages. If you’re lucky enough to make it to the first date (and don’t barf on the way there), the last words you’ll hear from them will be “we should totally do this again.”
Every guy is a DJ, a real estate agent, an entrepreneur, or this new hybrid creature that is all of the above.
#2. WARNING: You’ll spend $9 on an iced latte and somehow convince yourself that’s reasonable
Ok, the first time someone hands you an iced latte that costs almost ten dollars, you’re horrified.
But by month three, you’ll be adding oat milk, an extra shot of espresso and a homemade vanilla syrup without even looking at the total.
I mean, does coffee under $9 even exist anymore?
Toronto has a dangerous way of slowly shifting your perception of money.
#3. WARNING: You’ll start checking the weather religiously
If you’re here in Toronto, you know the weather here is nothing like what people describe.
It’s much, much worse.
The sheer variety and range in degrees is something that’ll shock you.
With temperatures reaching 35+ degrees recently, and temperatures on the other end of the scale very easily hitting -15 degrees on a warmer winter day here in the city, your weather app becomes your bible.
You’ll complain about both seasons equally, celebrate the first patio-worthy afternoon like a national holiday, and become irrationally optimistic every time the forecast says “feels like 22.”
#4. WARNING: You’ll say you’re ‘just grabbing a quick bite’ and somehow end up spending $60
It always starts out so innocently. We have some of the best happy hours and cheap eats in this city, so I don’t actually know how it happens.
You didn’t want to make it a whole thing; you just wanted to get lunch.
All of a sudden, we’re sharing appetizers for the table, I’m ordering my second cocktail, and hey, we only live once, so how about some dessert?
Before you know it, you’ve spent sixty dollars, promised to split the bill six different ways, and somehow we still stopped for a coffee on the way home. So I guess we spent $69?
#5. WARNING: You’ll start defending two-hour brunch waits
Before moving to Toronto, everyone is a certified line hater. Waiting two hours for eggs Benedict can sound pretty ridiculous to anyone.
But that’s not what we’re waiting for. One day, someone will introduce you to Toronto brunch culture, and suddenly you’re standing outside Emma’s Country Kitchen at 11 a.m., coffee in hand, waiting for those cinnamon bun pancakes that are going to be totally worth the wait.
You won’t even question it anymore.
If there isn’t a line, that’s when you’ll start to question.
#6. WARNING: You’ll become weirdly protective over your favourite hidden food spots
Every Torontonian has that one place. Yes, even us foodie writers (and you’ll have to pry mine out of my cold, dead hands).
Maybe it’s a low-key sandwich shop no one’s talking about. Maybe it’s a family-run mom-and-pop restaurant. Maybe it’s that bakery that somehow never has a line.
Either way, people will ask you where it is, and you’ll start to hesitate before you answer.
No one needs their comfort spot to become the next TikTok viral restaurant.
Gatekeeping usually isn’t my thing. I mean, hello, writer? But all’s fair in love and restaurant war.
#7. WARNING: You’ll have friends in every corner of the city and act like they’re long distance relationships
Toronto is smaller than you think when you’re trying to avoid someone, but it’s much bigger than you realize when one friend lives downtown, another lives in Etobicoke, and another lives in Midtown.
Everyone wants to hang out.
Nobody wants to commute.
Eventually, you’ll realize you’ve been trying to plan the same dinner for three months because every suggested neighbourhood is somehow “too far.”
#8. WARNING: You’ll spend half your life waiting for the TTC
If you’ve lived in Toronto long enough, you’ve started to dread the phrase
“Attention, passengers…”
The announcement never brings good news.
Whether it’s signal issues, mechanical problems, or service being temporarily suspended, and you have to get off and get on a shuttle bus (may the last one never find me again), it’s all just part of a regular day in Toronto.
When the subway arrives exactly when it’s supposed to, that’s when you know something’s off in this city.
#9. WARNING: Anything within 45 minutes is walking distance
The funniest thing Toronto has done to me is completely redefine what counts as walking distance.
Forty-five minutes in the suburbs where I had my car? Never.
An hour in the city? I mean, if the weather’s nice, why not?
Meanwhile, the thought of transferring between subway lines somehow feels like too much work.
#10. WARNING: You’ll know at least three people starting a podcast, a pop up, or a run club
Toronto is full of people chasing big ideas (whether they’re talented or not).
Within your first year, you’ll probably know someone starting a podcast, launching a clothing line, opening a pop-up, organizing a run club, creating a newsletter, or building the next big start-up.
It’s both the best and most annoying thing about this city.
There’s an energy here that makes people believe they can create something, and most of the time, the people around them will show up for them.
#11. WARNING: You’ll never actually visit the CN tower
Tourists make it to the CN Tower almost immediately.
Locals? We’ll get around to it eventually.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said: “I’ll definitely go this summer.”
Then another summer passes. But one of these days, I swear I’ll make it there!
So if you’re moving to Toronto, consider yourself warned. Your wallet will shrink, your commute will grow, and you’ll complain about it constantly.
And then, before you know it, you’ll find yourself defending Toronto to anyone who dares criticize it.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
