Acclaimed actor, playwright and author Ann-Marie MacDonald is returning to the stage this month with a new production of her beloved comedy, Goodnight Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet). Celebrating the 40th anniversary of the Canadian classic, the show premieres on Nov. 6 and runs until Nov. 22 at Bluma Appel Theatre. And, as it was 25 years ago when she last performed in the play, she’ll be directed by her life partner, wife and frequent collaborator Alisa Palmer. MacDonald gave us all the theatrical details of their three decades of love.
How they met
It’s 1987 and we’re at the Bathurst Street Theatre. It’s a celebration of Nightwood Theatre’s Groundswell Festival. Alisa is in town from Montreal with her comedy group, Hysterical Women. Alisa says that, when I met her, I told her, “You and your company are amazing. You were hilarious, and I was almost offended, which is high praise.” And she says I introduced myself to her, and I was the only person she met that night who didn’t follow up their name with, “And here’s what I do, etc.” And that really impressed her.
She had actually just seen the very premiere production of Goodnight Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet, which took place at that same theatre. And I do remember this: the minute I saw her, I saw this incredible aura around her. It was this gold and crystalline light.
The first date
She moved to Toronto, and we worked together for 10 years before we got together. She’s directed me on stage, she’s been a movement director of me on stage and she has directed my plays without me in my plays. We were colleagues and friends, and I think that relationship between us was probably percolating for a long time. At a certain point, I was in a long-term relationship that came to a natural end, and I remember telling all my friends that we broke up and I was moving out. It was then that she made a declaration of sorts. When these things happen it takes you by surprise, but deep down I think I was waiting for it for a long time. It was like a rom com, where she would say she’s dating someone, and I would always say, “Oh, I don’t know if they’re treating you right. You deserve someone better.”
So in 1997, we go on our first date. We drove to Niagara-on-the-Lake and went to the Shaw Festival to see a production of Noël Coward’s Easy Virtue, starring Goldie Semple. Then we went for dinner at the Prince of Wales, and we sat across from each other, and Alisa told me she had very carefully built up an RRSP, and she told me how much money she had saved. And I said that’s very impressive, because she’s six years younger than me. It was such a Jane Austen moment. She was saying, “I’m in love with you; I think we’re about to embark on our lives together and I think this is forever. Now here is how I have husbanded our resources.” What could be more romantic than assuring me that you are quite stable?
The proposal and wedding
Alisa proposed — she’s a total director. I went, “Oh gosh, well I guess you got there first!” I had gotten us rings in Kelowna, but she popped the question.
In 2003, Jean Chrétien gets the law through legalizing same-sex marriage, and we are among the first couples at Toronto city hall. My sister and brother-in-law happened to be visiting. We tell them and my editor and her husband to meet us out front of city hall. And we’re there with our not yet six-month-old baby. My sister gives her her first taste of chocolate, and she’s brought champagne. We hadn’t told my editor what we’re there for. We get on the elevator and select the wedding chapel, and she bursts into tears. In the elevator with us are two greying men in lovely Dockers and buttoned-down Oxford shirts open at the neck and their ancient parents. So these two men are getting married ahead of us, and their incredibly old parents are there to witness it.
The kids
In 2003 we had our first child, and by 2004 we had our second. And thank goodness we’d logged a lot of years working together, because that was the most logistically, emotionally, domestically challenging project ever! That whole time, up until they were about four or five, was a blur. Thank goodness I printed and put into albums lots of photographs from that era, so that I actually know that I was there. But they were the best and cutest kids in the world and now they are the nicest young adults in the world.
The secret to success
I saw that Paul and Martha Gross said their secret is to never work together. I guess ours is the opposite! That’s really how we figured out our dynamic. Alisa is a genius scheduler, which is incredible for her to be an artist and also have this systems, analysis, leadership thing going. I’m very much the concrete person. I will execute. So there’s kind of a balance there.
The future together
I’ll be so happy and grateful if we’re both healthy and well and our children are healthy and well and happy, and that’s basically everything in the world that I could look for right there.